Just as it should .. it would happen.. with a name.

Once upon a time in a faraway land, there lived a little girl with long blonde girls. This little girl lived a very happy life, with her Mother and Father and older brother. Her family watched over her and kept her safe and made sure she was loved, but even with all that they did, there was still one person she was closer too still... his name was Zachery. And even though Zachery wore the same denim-print winter 'onesie' at all times... except for the occasional spin in the laundry... and even though he stayed the same size always, never growing, he was the little girls closest pal. When the little girl and her mother would have delightful picnics in the land of the Front Yard, Zachery was always there; when the little girl and her brother would go on adventures to a place known as Grandma's House, Zachery was never too busy to join them; and even when the entire family made a long voyage to the world of Florida, traveling in a flying car... Zachery gathered his courage and braved the odd flying car, as the little girl could not think of leaving Zachery behind.

And over the years, most all the other toys were forced to eventually part ways with Zachery and the girl, some broken, some through yard sales, others given away, until only Zachery remained. And though now the little girl has grown up and has moved away from her beloved home and family, Zachery has stayed, securing his place in the girl's room, always awaiting her visits home.

The girl, who grew up and moved to a far far away place always remembered her childhood friend with the most fondest of memories. Until one day, she met a very tiny baby. She was allowed to hold and comfort this little one and was soon smitten with him... she was so honored to be allowed to be an 'Ate' to this little one... and it should happen just so perfectly, that her heart would once again be ever so fond of and her arms once again filled with a little tiny Zachery.

2 years

2 years... my oh my how things change... and oh how they stay the same.

2 years ago.. I was in the biggest whirlwind of my life. I had just met my little girl, and as quickly as I met her, I said goodbye to her. It was almost in the same breath that I said my teary goodbye to my baby girl and my bright hello to the Philippines as my home.

Now 2 years later, I feel like yet again I'm in a midst of a whirlwind. About to finish my first semester of college... again. My second 'first semester' .. Once again I'm learning this new life, this new routine. Once again I'm trying to find a new normal. And the truth is... I don't want this new reality. I liked my before normal when I completely exhausted from temper tantrums, outings to the park, having outreach in the scorching sun... I loved that! THAT was what I was called to do. Now.. I'm exhausted because I'm studying for tests and adding final touches to presentations and finishing assignments. I'm doing this now.. so that I can go back to that later.

It's a hard thing to adjust to and to come to terms with.. I had to stop what I was doing and go to school...so.. that in 4 years and a degree later.. I can go back to doing exactly what I WAS doing,.. what I love! As strange as a reality as that is.. it is my reality.

My oh my.. I could have never planned this to be my reality 2 years ago. But the very powerful lessons I learned 2 years ago.. are still in effect today. Just as it was only God who was in control then... so it now also only He who holds control. Just as He held me then, so He's still here with me. Just as He was all I had to lean on then, even more so now, He is all I have to lean on. He is the only One to whom I can run.

November 10, 2009 - February 28, 2010

PS ~ I LOVE YOU

~ To God Be the Glory!

Joy of remembrance. . .

I've had a number of different blog posts rolling around in my head for weeks... finally... they will start emerging for public viewing. Enjoy:

Ate Brittany... they come and wake me up from a lazy holiday morning sleeping in.. 'someone is here. A foreigner. They are asking for you.'

I groggily switch quickly out of basketball shorts and into something a little better to meet someone in, all the while wondering who in the world is here. All the other executive and office staff are out this morning and so I go down to the front gate.

There she is standing, she's heard about GH through the web and blogs and has come to just find out a little more. Our conversation, standing on the front steps, lasted maybe 30 minutes. But the effects of the conversation are still felt vividly today. I had just the week ... well for multiple weeks before honestly, had been asking the Lord, what was He doing with me? What was I doing here? Why? ... So I tell her.. I tell her my story.. I tell her how God worked. I tell her how God spoke and how He moved.

Then on to another scenario...I've recently read her book, Katie Davis's Kisses from Katie.

Another scenario... I read the blogs about those coming/moving.

I read these stories and I remember feeling those emotions once. The feeling of 'This is it! This is where I'm supposed to be!' I remember that excited giddy feeling... and then.. I suddenly feel a new feeling.. I feel a gentle whisper... One that I've heard before ... You are STILL HERE... STILL where I have you..I'M still holding you.

And just like that ... a wave of giddiness comes over me again... 'I AM HERE... I'm still here.. ' somewhere along the way I became calloused to the idea of being where God had me.. I had forgotten that I am living the dream that HE put in my heart over 8 years ago. This life dream that I have dreamt of and fantasized over and over in my years is REALITY! ... And a new thought comes 'This is AWESOME!' ... This is joy.

This is joy.

Remembering. Remembering in the dark what was spoken to you in the light.

I remember talking to her, I remember reading her words, I remember seeing them prepare. . . And as I remember.. I remember the joy that HE gave... and the joy that an enemy has tried to cover rises to the surface with unthinkable force, a blinding light after too much time wandering in darkness. I remember and it is clear again... HE IS HERE. HE SEES ME. HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING.

It's a long road adjusting the sudden reemergence of light, but its oh so beautiful... Joy.

Joy of remembrance.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Tonight is not every night...

Tonight I rocked her to sleep, held her safe in my arms till her eyes finally closed.

Do all of the kids get this? No, with so many kids, there's no way for all to be rocked to sleep.

Does this happen every night? No

But tonight is not every night. Today was not every day.

It's hard to lose your best friend. Today was the first day without her A. She truly was J's A. They were a pair, belonging to each other. Never far from each other, knowing each other inside and out, knowing the other's thoughts. They arrived within weeks of each other, both tiny, frail and starved of life... and they healed and became whole again..together. They found new life together and learned to live together. They were always always together. Even the little things, like potty training and learning to walk... they did together. They were each other's constant.

As any best friend, she rejoiced with A yesterday playing with A's mommy and daddy. But now... the time of rejoicing with her friend is gone, as is her best friend of the last 2 1/2 years. Today I hear her mumbled words, telling me she misses her A. She's said goodbye to many friends over the last years, but this was not just any friend, this was her best friend, her other half.

While we rejoice with A and her beautiful and simply wonderful family, tonight we remember, tonight we hold each other because tonight both of our hearts are aching.

Tonight is not every night.

Tonight we hold dear the memories in our hearts:

~ To God Be the Glory!

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Last year, we two, brought you bloggy world a Christmas pic greeting....this year, as I was remembering last year, I thought it'd be nice to give an updated Christmas pic!

(look who's walking and starting to even run!!!)

We love you all and wish you all a Very Merry CHRISTmas!!

~ To God Be the Glory!

A season of unfamiliar.

The changing of seasons is always somewhat difficult.

Learning a new routine...yet still bonded to the routine of a time past.

The thrill of new with the ache for what has been.

The longing for the closeness that once was, but instead awaiting the days of goodbyes.

Anxiety trying to creep in about what the the new familiar might hold.

What used to be familiar gradually becoming the unfamiliar.

The changing of seasons is a season of unfamiliar, while waiting for the new familiar.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Speaking..

Just sharing a quick interesting update of today...

Yesterday was a really wet day.. wet meaning there was pouring rain, and flooding in the streets...On my way home, I had walk a couple times through water over my ankles.. it was just wet and rainy all day.

This morning, it was sunny! I was getting ready to head out the door to school, and I saw my umbrella where I put it yesterday to dry out. Oh.. I need to grab that since it's been so rainy lately. I was about to be 'running late' and was thinking where did I put that little cover bag (you all know what I mean.. the little bag that goes with the umbrella). Well.. I quickly glanced around the room looking for it...

You won't need it.

Ummm...Lord?? Did I really just hear You say that? I could hear my Daddio's advice in the back of my head telling me to always be prepared, and never fall victim to ''poor planning''. So.. Lord.. don't you think maybe..

You won't need it.

Ok. That was enough for me...I left for school kinda puzzled.

You see, when I first came to the Philippines back in 2009, I had prayed that the Lord would allow me to hear His voice and give me wisdom in discerning His voice and His will for my life. In the year that followed, the Lord answered that prayer many times over. However, lately, I had been struggling with this again. Doubting what/who I was hearing, afraid I was hearing my own self and wanting to believe what I wanted to hear.

So, for several months now, a main prayer of mine has been "Lord, ... just whisper to me. Gently whisper to me, let me know Your voice again. Speak to me, let me hear You. "

On my way to school, I thought about what I had heard and kept thinking..Lord? I'm certain that was You... wasn't it You?

I got to school and sat with some friends inside for a little while before my one class. When we came out of that building to walk to the room where our class would be held, low and behold, it was pouring rain.

Umm... Lord??

I told you, you won't need it.

And.. in typical human fashion.. "Lord... it's raining now..." It was at that point that I realized.. the room to which I was walking to ... there was a covered sidewalk leading right to the door..."The rain is gonna stop isn't it God??" I felt like a little kid that was finally understanding a grown-up conversation...

You won't need it.

Later on, I walked out of the classroom to a parking lot with small puddles all over it.. but ... as I expected... IT WAS NOT RAINING.

I smiled to myself as I walked out the school gate.

The commute is nearly an hour, riding multiple trains and walking some more before I reach my final stretch of walking outside. The clouds were dark and cloudy, waiting to release when I stepped outside from the final train station.

"Lord... I need to run stop by the store real quick before I go home.. but it looks as if it'll start to rain..", me oh my... always in typical human fashion I am, worrying, as the thought, the Lord knows I need to go to the store, He knew this morning before I even looked for the umbrella, before I had even thought about stopping by the store on the train home.. He knew. "Ok, Lord, stopping by the store it is."

I came out of the store with dark clouds and carrying a full load of bags. . .

It NEVER RAINED... yet..

as I type this... the rain is pouring outside my window. I hear the stream of water coming from right above my window. And through it all.. I never needed my umbrella, just as HE said it would be.

It was about an umbrella, nothing major, nothing big or wonderful, but oh my wasn't it!!! I'm reminded of a skype date I was able to have with my parents last night. I hadn't realized how much I had been holding things in until I was given the opportunity just to speak with them.. what did I say?? Something big or important??? ... No. I spoke about school, about my professors, about my friends, about new people I had met that week, I spoke about things that really don't affect my parents at all, but just the act of speaking to them brings us so much closer. And... I know... that they don't mind that it's not huge important things, they just want to hear what I want to say.

That's what today was for me. I'm so tickled that He spoke and whispered so clearly to me. I'm so thrilled that He ALLOWED me to hear. I'm so thankful for Him repeating it.

Lord, Thank You! Thank You for whispering to me, even something so little, but it was You speaking to me!!!

~ To God Be the Glory!