The first bit was just how I imagined.
But these last two days... were not.
You were strong and healthy, while my weakness forced me to be absent from your last two days.
Absent apart from the constant trips to the CR.
The knowing you were leaving, the guilt only paralyzed me more.
I'm so sorry, but I know... the guilt is all misplaced.
It was not of my doing.
But I always find ways to carry responsibility... even when it's not mine to bear.
So tonight, as you rest up for your long journey tomorrow,
I will start my coping process of writing...
For those reading
I know my words don't rhyme or flow like a pretty little nursery book.
I know they often don't leave behind the feelings of butterflies and roses.
I know my words don't rhyme, but they are just that... my words.
They match something else of mine.. my life.
My life doesn't always rhyme, or sound nice.
It very rarely flows.
For the outsider looking in... it does not speak volumes of butterflies and roses.
But to me... it is simply my life.
This is what God has called me to, this is where He sent.
As crazy and lacking in roses as it is, there is nothing and nowhere else I'd rather do and be than right here.
Yes, there are days when I am sad. Yes, there are days when I'm mad. But through it all, down very very deep, there is joy. Joy because I know that I'm doing exactly what I was put on this earth to do.
Joy because in my weakness, He is strong.
Joy because in my weakness, I see all that there is for Him to teach me.
Joy because whatever my circumstance, I know that He is still God and He is still in control!
~ To God Be the Glory!