Saturday, March 26, 2011

I feel it within me... changing. Preparing.

I have heard from afar of the injustices of this world.

Now I find myself walking in the midst.

I feel that within me changing.. preparing..

Unimaginable what a soldier walking to war feels like...

I wonder if its anything like what I feel now.

For, I know that my life is to be a constant battle of spiritual warfare . . .

but now I think we walk straight at it from a new angle, new to us anyway.

We are forming our own front lines of this war.

I can feel my heart changing, preparing.

I'm asking all that read my blog to pray. Pray, without knowing the details, pray.
I cannot go into details but I can tell you this, we need prayer. We need guidance. We need God to move mountains.

So, again, without knowing details, please bombard the gates of heaven with your prayers, with your pleas, with your cries.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Friday, March 25, 2011


Please pray for this family! Ask our God to do what only He is capable of.. to move mountains!

~ To God Be the Glory!

Monday, March 21, 2011

I'm in love. . . (x 8+)

It's been a long day, I say that because I'm exhausted, but when I think about it, it's not been that long of a day, not a difficult day at all. But for some reason, bedtime of all things always wears me out. But it's been a good day.

I head upstairs, nearly an hour after my shift has ended, to get something for dinner, everyone else is getting ready for bed.

I sit at the lonely table on the third floor, letting my mind relax and wander... and then I hear it.

That cry. I know that cry. That is the cry of Jonalyn. It's the scared cry.

I drop my spoon and take off for downstairs, because... that's my baby crying. As I get closer, my ears simply confirm what my eyes are about to tell me, it's Jonalyn crying. Not Jefferson, his cry is different, not Rona, her cry is different than the others also, it's not August, not Abegail, not Mervil, not Grace.. all of them have their own cries, and I know each of my babies cries.. this is Jonalyn.

I open the door and there she is, Emil who is on night duty, is caught off guard, she's just crying he tells me.

But I know. I know what is wrong. She probably had a bad dream... she has more than enough of a past to haunt her in her sleep. Then she woke up to her Kuya Emil,... and then (this part hit me as I calmed her down).. she didn't want her Kuya... she wanted me, the one that put her to sleep tonight, the one that kissed her and put her down to bed... and then down to bed again after she had to go potty.. and then again after another potty run after her drink of water.

I scooped her up and her arm formed a death grip around my neck, her scared sobs softened as she tried to get her breath back, as the words "It's ok.. I'm here, Momma's here..." fell out of my mouth. I caught myself, for I never wanted to call myself Momma in front of them.. but the truth is, that's exactly where my heart is. That's what my Momma would say to me when I needed her when I was young and scared in the middle of the night, knowing that Momma was there.. that's what I wanted, that's what I needed to hear. That's the same thing my baby needed to hear tonight. I may not be her "Mommy", that title is for the special blessed woman that will be her official mother, but for now, until God brings that to pass... I will be here, loving her with every ounce that I have. I will run to her in the middle of the night when I hear her crying, I will sit with her when she's having fevral seizures when her fever spikes (which Jonalyn has had), I will teach her to sing her ABC's, I will sing to her that Jesus loves her, and that I love her... and if the time comes.. I will say goodbye and my heart will break into a thousand pieces as I hand her off to someone else.

I laid down beside her after she had calmed down and she drifted off to sleep laying on her side, one arm around her sippy cup.. one arm around my neck.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

the next step...oi!

This has been my schedule...
Last week.
Trip to take Rommel and August to ear doctor, wait about 5 minutes for a taxi there and then about the same for a taxi back. (5 minutes.. is NOTHING compared to over an hour.. which is what I've waited before)
Trip to take Rommel for a hearing test, w/ Rona tagging along for the socialization - jeep to and from
Trip to take August for hearing test - taxi to and from... then the same day back to the same offices again... another taxi back and forth. (much more waiting on this day for taxis)
Trip to take Lex for developmental assessment - taxi there and back.
Trip to go grab some dinner with Lien, our current visitor/short termer at GH. - taxi there and back.
Trip to church, with August - because of the long long walks there and back, I take taxi. He can't walk that far and I can't carry him that far.
Meet Lien at nearby mall to complete some errands for Ate - Jeep there and we all take jeep home. (about a 10 minutes wait for the right jeep to come along)
Trip out to Sta. Lucia Mall (a bit farther than the normal jeep rides) to get picked up by a family I'm babysitting for on Monday - Jeep (got home by catching rides to Faith Academy and then home with Ate who was picking up her kids)
Trip to developmental assessment with 4 toddlers and visitor - taxi there and back

I don't give this schedule recap to show everyone how busy I am... this is actually nothing. shine light on a new investment I'm looking into... that of a vehicle. While yes, a vehicle does cost quite a bit of money, I think that the convenience factor, the saving of being ripped off by taxis, and time saving factors are worth the investment, not to mention the safety factor. As you may have guessed, taxis do not come with optional car-seats... which is another aspect that I will be exploring. As I look forward to filling a back seat with car seats... even though you can't buy car-seats in the Philippines.

Currently I may have some contacts working on getting me a few carseats shipped to me.. if that works out, the next step.. or actually the step before that would be a vehicle. With rainy seasons and frequent floodings in some areas, an SUV is a must, as it also allows for more room for car-seats. I'm very excited about this next step... but at the same time it seems a little overwhelming, as a vehicle is not by any means a small purchase. But I'm resting confidently that the Lord will provide, He has been so faithful thus far.

Another step that has come about recently, is that within the next two months I will have the opportunity to travel to Australia with Ate to speak about Gentle Hands and raise awareness about the injustices and life that the children in the Philippines, the people of Malabon, the people of the Philippines face daily and how Gentle Hands is on the front lines fighting for the rights and lives of these beautiful children and people.

These are two more areas needing prayer in my life, if you are joining me in prayer along this journey. Thank you to all of those precious people and families who have been so generous in joining me in this journey by continually praying and supporting me! God has used you in mighty ways!! Your prayers have sustained me during the tough days! Thank You!!!

~ To God Be the Glory!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Pray NOW.

I'm posting.. asking.. begging.. calling all Christians to prayer for those that have been, are going to be and are being right now battered by tsunamis. 500 mph, 33 ft high.. for 2 hours. Over 20 countries with tsunami warnings.


~ To God Be the Glory!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Tomorrow is a new day.

Today has been an emotional day, a wonderful morning, but an emotional day none the heart and mind are a scattered mess... I've not yet discovered if it is better to wait until I'm more innerly sorted or to simply post what is on my heart right in the midst of the mess... here is the mess...
I am not superwoman.

The longer I am in this environment in which it is essential that I have some control over my emotions... the worse I get.. and the smaller control I have.

I'm fine, then out of nowhere, I can't breathe and the tears come up quick and there's no stopping it.

I hate this.

I hate this aspect of myself.

Finding the fine line, in having to suck it up and 'to do what I have to do' and yet, allowing myself to feel these emotions and letting others see me be vulnerable... the line is all but invisible. Is it there??

To find the line between letting others see.. but only the right others ... and sucking it up in front of the 'other' others...when I don't want anyone to all... that I'm finding is impossible.

"It gets better with time".. I have found that to be a lie. I was much better at this before... with time I have simply less and less control.

Tonight.. simply put, I'm a mess. But... it is during this time that I am reminded.. the night won't last forever... surely it won't. As dark as it feels right now, with so many things going on in my life, the morning is on its way, and praise the Lord His mercies are new every morning!

Tomorrow is a new day.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I will worship.

Always smiling... even at bedtime.. especially at bedtime.. when that little boy is supposed to be sleeping. But no.. Rammy is giggling from his bed. I wonder what he's thinking about to make him laugh so much.. maybe the simple fact that he's supposed to be sleeping right now is what has him shrieking with giggles.

I give him yet another.."Rammy.. it's time to sleep now.. You need to lay down and sleep." And eventually he settles, with his green knit blankie either curled up under his arm, or draped over the side of his head, as if warming his ear.

My chest hurts with the weight of my heart simply sifting through the many memories in my head to write this post.

I've known him since my beginning at GH. I remember when I first met him.. he was not yet walking.. now he runs, shaky.. but he runs! We put in his case study that he was nonverbal.. and he was. Never a word, he had his own jibber-jabber as all the toddlers do.. but no actual words. So we began sign language with all the toddlers. Then about two weeks ago.. we are leaving the barber shop after he was brave boy and got his hair cut and I said ' tell Kuya, bye and thank you' ... My mouth fell open as everyone in the barber shop heard and saw Rammy sign AND SPEAK "Bye-bye, Thank You!"!!!!!

A couple days later sign and word "Baby" while pointing to his beloved baby doll!!! The baby doll that is so worn.. the biggest testimony to how much he loves it! A testimony to its incredible value!

December 2009, "We really need to start praying for God to raise up families for Kim and Rammy. If we can find the families, we can find anyone families". Ate C made this comment to me in December 2009, knowing that it would be extremely difficult to find families for these two precious treasures, due to their special needs. I started that very day praying boldly in faith asking God to raise up those families and bring them.

The first part of the prayer was answered in November 2010 when Kimberly went home with her forever family.

The second part, regarding Rammy,... will be answered this week!

Oh God is good!!

My wise father once (many times) said, "When we pray to God for something, we can't be upset when he makes it happen" (Not sure those are the exact words, but definately the jist of it).

I prayed for Rammy's family, and now that God has looked upon my request with favor...I will rejoice. I will worship. I will be happy even as the tears roll down my face.

Praise God... another hard goodbye yet.. I will worship.

This is the life I am called to, it is hard, it is FULL of tears and trials, some say depressed, but I am privelaged that the Lord has called me to this task. In all situations, I will worship.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Friday, March 4, 2011


I keep thinking for something I need to post on my blog, searching for a message to tell... and



It's quite a weird feeling.

So.. for now I'm waiting.

Big things are coming.. but until then.. its as if I'm just holding my breath.. waiting.

~ To God Be the Glory!