I'm in love. . . (x 8+)

It's been a long day, I say that because I'm exhausted, but when I think about it, it's not been that long of a day, not a difficult day at all. But for some reason, bedtime of all things always wears me out. But it's been a good day.

I head upstairs, nearly an hour after my shift has ended, to get something for dinner, everyone else is getting ready for bed.

I sit at the lonely table on the third floor, letting my mind relax and wander... and then I hear it.

That cry. I know that cry. That is the cry of Jonalyn. It's the scared cry.

I drop my spoon and take off for downstairs, because... that's my baby crying. As I get closer, my ears simply confirm what my eyes are about to tell me, it's Jonalyn crying. Not Jefferson, his cry is different, not Rona, her cry is different than the others also, it's not August, not Abegail, not Mervil, not Grace.. all of them have their own cries, and I know each of my babies cries.. this is Jonalyn.

I open the door and there she is, Emil who is on night duty, is caught off guard, she's just crying he tells me.

But I know. I know what is wrong. She probably had a bad dream... she has more than enough of a past to haunt her in her sleep. Then she woke up to her Kuya Emil,... and then (this part hit me as I calmed her down).. she didn't want her Kuya... she wanted me, the one that put her to sleep tonight, the one that kissed her and put her down to bed... and then down to bed again after she had to go potty.. and then again after another potty run after her drink of water.

I scooped her up and her arm formed a death grip around my neck, her scared sobs softened as she tried to get her breath back, as the words "It's ok.. I'm here, Momma's here..." fell out of my mouth. I caught myself, for I never wanted to call myself Momma in front of them.. but the truth is, that's exactly where my heart is. That's what my Momma would say to me when I needed her when I was young and scared in the middle of the night, knowing that Momma was there.. that's what I wanted, that's what I needed to hear. That's the same thing my baby needed to hear tonight. I may not be her "Mommy", that title is for the special blessed woman that will be her official mother, but for now, until God brings that to pass... I will be here, loving her with every ounce that I have. I will run to her in the middle of the night when I hear her crying, I will sit with her when she's having fevral seizures when her fever spikes (which Jonalyn has had), I will teach her to sing her ABC's, I will sing to her that Jesus loves her, and that I love her... and if the time comes.. I will say goodbye and my heart will break into a thousand pieces as I hand her off to someone else.

I laid down beside her after she had calmed down and she drifted off to sleep laying on her side, one arm around her sippy cup.. one arm around my neck.

~ To God Be the Glory!