Sunday, January 22, 2012

Joy of remembrance. . .

I've had a number of different blog posts rolling around in my head for weeks... finally... they will start emerging for public viewing. Enjoy:

Ate Brittany... they come and wake me up from a lazy holiday morning sleeping in.. 'someone is here. A foreigner. They are asking for you.'

I groggily switch quickly out of basketball shorts and into something a little better to meet someone in, all the while wondering who in the world is here. All the other executive and office staff are out this morning and so I go down to the front gate.

There she is standing, she's heard about GH through the web and blogs and has come to just find out a little more. Our conversation, standing on the front steps, lasted maybe 30 minutes. But the effects of the conversation are still felt vividly today. I had just the week ... well for multiple weeks before honestly, had been asking the Lord, what was He doing with me? What was I doing here? Why? ... So I tell her.. I tell her my story.. I tell her how God worked. I tell her how God spoke and how He moved.

Then on to another scenario...I've recently read her book, Katie Davis's Kisses from Katie.

Another scenario... I read the blogs about those coming/moving.

I read these stories and I remember feeling those emotions once. The feeling of 'This is it! This is where I'm supposed to be!' I remember that excited giddy feeling... and then.. I suddenly feel a new feeling.. I feel a gentle whisper... One that I've heard before ... You are STILL HERE... STILL where I have you..I'M still holding you.

And just like that ... a wave of giddiness comes over me again... 'I AM HERE... I'm still here.. ' somewhere along the way I became calloused to the idea of being where God had me.. I had forgotten that I am living the dream that HE put in my heart over 8 years ago. This life dream that I have dreamt of and fantasized over and over in my years is REALITY! ... And a new thought comes 'This is AWESOME!' ... This is joy.

This is joy.

Remembering. Remembering in the dark what was spoken to you in the light.

I remember talking to her, I remember reading her words, I remember seeing them prepare. . . And as I remember.. I remember the joy that HE gave... and the joy that an enemy has tried to cover rises to the surface with unthinkable force, a blinding light after too much time wandering in darkness. I remember and it is clear again... HE IS HERE. HE SEES ME. HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING.

It's a long road adjusting the sudden reemergence of light, but its oh so beautiful... Joy.

Joy of remembrance.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Tonight is not every night...

Tonight I rocked her to sleep, held her safe in my arms till her eyes finally closed.

Do all of the kids get this? No, with so many kids, there's no way for all to be rocked to sleep.

Does this happen every night? No

But tonight is not every night. Today was not every day.

It's hard to lose your best friend. Today was the first day without her A. She truly was J's A. They were a pair, belonging to each other. Never far from each other, knowing each other inside and out, knowing the other's thoughts. They arrived within weeks of each other, both tiny, frail and starved of life... and they healed and became whole again..together. They found new life together and learned to live together. They were always always together. Even the little things, like potty training and learning to walk... they did together. They were each other's constant.

As any best friend, she rejoiced with A yesterday playing with A's mommy and daddy. But now... the time of rejoicing with her friend is gone, as is her best friend of the last 2 1/2 years. Today I hear her mumbled words, telling me she misses her A. She's said goodbye to many friends over the last years, but this was not just any friend, this was her best friend, her other half.

While we rejoice with A and her beautiful and simply wonderful family, tonight we remember, tonight we hold each other because tonight both of our hearts are aching.

Tonight is not every night.

Tonight we hold dear the memories in our hearts:

~ To God Be the Glory!