Thursday, October 28, 2010

I was dreading this day...

I knew it would probably come eventually...

I mean at some point, it just becomes ineveitable...

Impossible to avoid...

And here it is...

My sweet precious toddlers (well one in particular) has learned a new word... and is delighting in using the word... no.


Right now, Mr A is still just testing it out.. but he's been testing that word inparticular more and more the last couple days. Each time, I try to gently explain that its not nice and respectful, that he needs to obey... but honestly.. ya'll know.. how often does that 'reason' work???

So... we'll see how it goes...right now that adorable cute aspect is still there...but I know it won't last for long. Soon instead of a no.. it will be a NO!

Oh LORD, give me wisdom and grace. This is yet another new chapter in my life, lead me through this chapter as You have done in the past, never leaving me, always faithful.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Oh how I love it!

I just wanted to share a quick post for those of you who have been waiting for an update....I'm here!! Back in Manila!!! I love Love LOVE IT!!! My toddlers have been quite sick since I last saw them, most of them had a nasty run-in with the measles, but they are ever so beautiful!! A couple of them had been much sicker than others and the exhausted personality lingered as they are still recovering, but I tell you the LORD is good, He is soo good!! 2 months is a LONG time for a little one, so it took a little while for some of the them to warm up to me again, but we are making wonderful progress. Little R is doing extremely well! I was so surprised to see how outgoing and vibrant she is, learning to move from jibber jabber to words now, so active, and always alerting you when someone is up to trouble...except, of course, when it is she who is getting into the trouble. HA! J looked completely different to me, oh how I felt horrible to be away from her and the others while they were sick, not that my being here could've really helped in any way, aside from just holding them and loving on them. As every parent knows, kids get sick, its just the way life goes. J made my heart sink... oh but not for long. As her appearance may have changed, she was quick to point out... she's still her silly mischevious self on the inside. One of the biggest shocks was A, oh how I was so eager to see her again... but boy... she was going to have me pay the consequences for being gone so long...she had been the sickest I do believe of them all, and her body being so exhausted just couldn't put all the pieces together... she would stare me down, with her serious somber GRRR stare... and after a day... I finally saw a smile. And again, the LORD has just been so good... because A's appearance had not only changed, but her personality was completely different. As anyone knows, being sick and completely exhausted wipes you out... and it takes a while for you to even begin feeling like yourself again... well... this is A's time! Little by little, I'm seeing more and more of her old self,... that quirky, smily, talkative toddler come back to her little frame!

I could go on and on about all the different children. All changing. All unique. All precious.

But for now I'll leave you with a picture.

As most of you know, pictures do not do sunrises or sunsets justice. This was the sun coming up over Manila this morning...absolutely breathtaking. Even in the midst of the hussle and bussle of the city, the smog and pollution, only intensify the beauty, making God's creation look like something straight from a storybook. Coming up, the start of a new day for this very busy very crowded city.... oh how I LOVE IT!!!

~ To God Be the Glory!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


As I mentioned in my earlier post, tonight I went with my Momma and some wonderful friends to "A Night With The Chapmans". It was a wonderful night, and the Lord dealt with me on a couple different issues. Two main things, one of which I can not yet share, maybe in a year or two I'll be able to share (no it does not deal with adoption.), but I can share about the other thing God layed on my heart.

As Caleb Chapman talked about at the beginning of the night, its as if the Lord shifted a part of the events over the past months into focus tonight; there is still much blurriness, but a part of it was shifted into focus tonight. And the Lord has laid that focused part on my heart, giving me a new message and story to share.

I was listening to Steven and Mary Beth and Caleb tonight and I know a portion of what they've gone through. I see how they have trusted and relied on God the whole way through this, and I myself, have turned and had to rely solely upon the LORD, and the LORD is faithful to see us and to continue to lead me through and out of the pit.

But I have also seen people who have gone through the unthinkable and have not come through it; people that have simply fallen into the pit and never found the strength to climb out. Its as if they gave up and quit life. And I simply asked, half already knowing the answer, how, when facing the unthinkable (in all its various forms) do we come to such different responses?

And in the middle of singing, is when the LORD kinda just whispered in my ear 'Remember???... Don't you remember?? All those years ago? The promise?' And in my mind I flash backed to years ago, when I was a teenager, just starting to grasp what the decision that I had made when I was 8 years old meant. I remember when I first started to understand the love that God had for me, the compassion He has shown me and the ultimate sacrifice He paid for me... I remember when I first started to truly and intentionally worship my Savior. With that realization came a love for the LORD, and out of that love I promised that with whatever came I would always, ALWAYS love Him; that my response to whatever HE BROUGHT my way would be WORSHIP. And I don't take promises lightly, so when I was in the process of making that commitment, I let my mind wander... to What if...? What if I was faced with the unthinkable? At that time there were only a few options for unthinkable to take form, and I thought about each, often to the point of tears, and I, knowing that God was sovereign and that He loved His children, I committed whole-heartedly to the promise that WHATEVER MAY COME, I WILL LOVE YOU LORD. MY RESPONSE WOULD BE WORSHIP.

Remember??? Don't you remember now sweetheart?? Now remember another moment... I heard the Lord gently whispering again, and again my mind flashed to one of my trips to Venezuela when we read the book The Cross Centered Life, and then again to BLBC's Jeru Project, when we read a follow-up book, Living the Cross Centered Life, in one of the chapters in both of these books, the author, C. J. Mahaney, talks about not listening to your heart but talking to your heart. Our emotions can be deceiving, and we can't trust them, instead we have to speak to our hearts the truths that we know, truths that the LORD has promised us.

Remember?? was the whisper again and a tiny bit of blurriness shifted into focus. My own reaction, as with many others out there, was to rely on the LORD, was not only my relationship with God, but also because I had made that commitment many years earlier. I had told myself what my reaction would be if faced with the unthinkable. So.. when the time came to sit and watch my daughter slowly fade away, I remembered the promise. I remembered, even though I may not 'feel' as I did when I was on those mountains; I may not 'feel' like looking to Him; I still remember the promise that I made, I remember to look a little deeper, past the 'feelings' to the joy that I have that comes only from the LORD; I remember the truths, the truths I promised to remember, that He would never, NEVER leave me nor forsake me, He is ALWAYS faithful; I remembered ... WHATEVER MAY COME, I WILL LOVE YOU LORD. MY RESPONSE WOULD BE WORSHIP.

So I want to challenge everyone to decide today how you will react when faced with the unthinkable, whatever it may be. I'm not saying dwell on it day and night, but think and decide for yourself, if that time comes and you are indeed faced with the unthinkable, decide now how you will react, because if the time comes, your feelings WILL be deceiving.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I love her still...

Where O where to start?? I just got back tonight from "A Night With the Chapmans"... to say it was a wonderful night of worship would be an understatement. The Lord dealt with me about a few things, two main things, one of which I'll share in another post tonight, but right now is something that I'm just going to share. Part of this blog, while it is to keep everyone updated on my journey of following the LORD where He leads, it is also a way of just expressing myself, letting ya'll know what's on my heart. So.. here it is... this is what has been on my heart.

As the night started, I was thinking, how grateful I am that the LORD allowed (predestined) me to be home during the time that the Chapmans would be touring through Louisville. Only the LORD knows how much of a comfort the words on the album Beauty Will Rise, my Steven Curtis Chapman have been; how they have continually reminded me of God's promises; how the lyrics put words to the thoughts and feelings that were reeling inside of me surround my sweet time with Pamela.

Tonight as we were closing the night in worship of our God, nearly everyone was in tears, simply thinking of how God has been faithful in delivering us from the various valleys that we've been through; for me it was a time of remembering the LORD's constant presence during that time, when I went through the darkest valley I have ever been through. Tears had already formed a steady stream on my cheeks, and when Steven had finished one of his songs, he started with a song many of us know It is Well With My Soul;... my thoughts when he started playing that song, 'At least it's not Pamela's song...I can at least sing this... if he started playing her song right now, I would really lose it.' For those of you who do not remember my updated 1 month post Pamela's journey to Jesus, it is here: .

Well...wouldn't you know it...a couple minutes later the beginning of that very song started playing. I sat down and no longer was there a steady stream, but a river of tears. I sobbed. I sobbed, hard, the hardest I have cried in 7 months, since I was last with my daughter. I have surely cried, as many of those who have been around me in these last months can testify; but I have not sobbed as I did tonight.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of and miss my daughter, but on most days I don't dive into those memories, I intentionally don't go back mentally; I don't want to live in the past and dwell on the pain, when I know that the LORD has so many blessing in the present and that the pain for my little girl is gone, she is happy with Jesus. But on the rare occasions when I do just go back and dwell for a few minutes and reflect on the love that I still carry every day for her, I realize...even when she is in the arms of Jesus, I still love her more and more every day.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Friday, October 1, 2010

my WOW moment...

Do you ever just take a minute to stop and think... WOW.. Lord, is this serously happening?? Wow. The Lord just blows me away with his provisions for us, how he has a specific plan for every person on this earth. Me, in my immense human weakness, I would think that eventually the Lord would give up and just give us basically all dull lives, but no.. HE in His wonderful amazing love and compassion still cares about us, still provides for us, still continues to guide us to His plan for our lives.

Oh how indebted I am to my Magnificent Savior and Father!! He gave his life for me, and then on top of that He continues to remain ever faithful and to lead me, and yet still on top of that, He continues to bless me everyday, so much more than anything I deserve, quite the opposite of what I deserve. I realize more and more every day how in love I am with my Creator and Savior, I don't live my life trying to fulfill some order, I don't live as a slave, I live as a child who loves her Glorious Savior and wants nothing more than to be in the center of His will, bringing Him Glory and showing others this wonderful relationship that I have and showing them that they can have that relationship also! That they too can have that joy deep down that no matter what, you know there is hope and joy in your Father that loves you!

~ To God Be the Glory!