I want him to live...

The last few nights have probably wrecked my back, but that's not what is important. I'm thankful for at least the metal benches to sleep on as I think back...

On our way back from the beach and we get the call a baby has been born, down syndrome and other difficulties, requiring him to need surgery for a colostomy to be put in. We are informed he's a month old and had surgery yesterday and has now developed sepsis, blood poisoning. We are informed of the hospital at which he was taken to... and we know we must act.

We are still more than an hour away, but through multiple phones and sim swapping, we start making the communication amidst other crisis and we above all we start praying, finding that he's only 2 days old.. not a month. Praying that its not too late too act.

We get home with our team of short-termers and Ate goes to help with the hospital transfer, and I go pack my bag. I, along with Jordan, will be on night duty tonight. I pack quickly, trying to remember to my last hospital duty and what exactly to pack, extra clothes, toothbrush, deodorant, book, mp3, I think that's it, as I head out the door.. I see my bible.. yea I'll need that too.

We go ahead to the new hospital to welcome the mother and others involved. We can't offer much, but just a boost of encouragement and news of relief, we will take it from here... they can rest now. We're early and spend the time in odd light-heartedness, both knowing deep down, we have no clue what to really expect but that no matter what, God is God and this is what He's called us to do. So, we talk lightly and people watch, both innerly preparing for the task ahead.

The ambulance arrives and I'm captivated by this little boy.. this tiny little being... fighting to live. Surrounded by the safety and necessity of the incubator he's in, I can only see him but ...

I'm captivated. My prayers become more personal.

He is whisked into the NICU at once. We are informed that we cannot be with him at all, but there is a waiting room down the hall. We go into the tiny room, air con (a.c.) has made it feel more like an igloo, with its metal benches.

I read for a bit, my mind not so much on the words but on a little boy down the hall. Before long, I lay over, shaking from the cold and as the prayers keep running through my mind the events of the day catch up and eventually bits of sleep find me.

We are given semi-regular updates, the morning of Day 3, Jordan heads back to pack up her things and I find myself with the whole room to myself and I find myself thinking of a little boy. I walk the hallway that is now familiar to me and I see through the drawn blinds as they care for him. I'm thankful. In that moment, I'm just thankful as I watch the tender touches of the nurses as they change him and check him.

I can barely see through the thin fabric of the shades... and I see a tiny little arm go up in the air...and the thankfulness in my heart is immediately evident by the smile across my face.

The doctor comes out and gives me an update and at the end as she's walking away, I call out to ask, 'Is there any chance at all, they can raise the blinds so that I can just see him for a little bit.'

'Yes, of course, you just have to request it, wait I will tell them' are the words that keep the smile on my face.

The blinds are raised and I'm captivated even more. My hearts is consumed with love and prayer for this babe I have never met. I ask the Lord to send His angels to watch over him and to hold him when we cannot. I'm thankful for the clear casing of the incubator that allows me to see the little hand, as soon as I say amen,... the open hand closes as if grasping an unseen hand... I know the Lord has heard my prayers, I know the angels are holding him and singing softly to him.

And my heart continues to pray... I'm captivated and, blinking the tears away, I'm overwhelmed by this feeling... of wanting something so badly...

I want him to live.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Please be prayerful for this little one as he is fighting for his life, for wisdom for the doctors and nurses caring for him and also for the financial provision so that he can continue to get the care he so desperately needs. We have no budget at all to care for this little boy... we only know that God has brought him to us and we are to care for him and fight for him, we trust God to provide the rest. Please be prayerful how God might use you in helping save this little one's life.

the worst missionary...

I'm really quite sure of it, I am the worst missionary ever. I don't actually like people... well.. I do I guess in a way, but more often than not, I don't.

I was taught growing up to be 'realistic', however, I've also learned along the way that most of the time reality is pretty negative... so in my attempts to be realistic, I'm labeled, and probably quite correctly I might add, a pessimist.

Another area, that I was blown away by tonight that makes me continue to state.. I'm the worst at doing this... I'm here to live out my faith, being obedient to what my God has called me to do.. but oh how much of this God I still cannot comprehend. I'm here wanting to give my life to sharing Him with the nations, when in all reality, I'm still trying to know Him more. (And please no comments about being obedient/faithful/any other praising me comments and no comments about the I know we all as Christians are constantly supposed to be seeking Him and knowing Him more...just bear with me, I'm using this to go in a slightly different direction.)

Tonight, we went to an evening service with the team of short-termers and we began to sing a song that I have never sang before and it described mainly one of the qualities of God.

Now before I say what this quality is.. I can say this, if someone were to ask me to describe God, there are many things I would say, but as we were singing, I realized.. this particular aspect of God would have never crossed my mind, I just don't see/think that way. I would say God is: sovereign, almighty, faithful, strong, worthy of all praise, compassionate.

The main chorus of the song:

You are Good

You are Good

You are Good

Jesus

How often do I simply overlook that God is GOOD?

The sermon went on to be about Luke 11:1-13, which talks about how to pray but towards the end of the text, Jesus talks about if we, as evil people know how to give our children good gifts, how much more so will our Heavenly Father.

Even though I've known the whole "God is Good", "All the time!", "All the time", "God is Good!" chant for years, but yet I've never saw or praised God as being simply good.

Needless to say, my mindset will be undergoing some changes.

Father LORD, thank you for being so GOOD!! Amen

~ To God Be the Glory!

BEACH TIME!!!

Sorry for lack of posts lately. But here's some pics that I've been wanting share for a while.

Pics from several weeks ago... A team from my home church in KY came and we were able to take all my toddlers to the beach for the first time!!! So much fun!! They were a little nervous but all ended up in the water and LOVED it!!

On the way there... the kids did wonderful for the 3+ hour drive to the beach!!

But with so many toddlers, monsters, and team... space was scarce.

Everyone was assigned a specific child to watch.

THE FIRST TIME TO EVER SEE THE BEACH!!!

(This was the part where I could have cried...it was such an amazing experience for them and to see them taking it all in..)

Time to PLAY IN THE SAND!!!

Sorry.. but soon after these is when we started taking them out into the water and I don't have pictures of that. My mind was then completely focused on other matters. :)

Thank You LORD for allowing us this day to experience your good creation! Thank You LORD for Your protection and Your blessings this day.

~ To God Be the Glory!

At the end of my rope...

It's nearly midnight... 4 minutes away to be exact. I'm laying down to sleep and talking to my Heavenly Father, and I find myself praying, Thank You LORD for this day. This wonderful day of rest... but LORD I realize that even on the days that are easy and refreshing that I'm always at the end of my rope, needing to rely constantly on You in the good and bad...

And at that point, I stopped and opened my laptop.

the end of my rope

The end of my rope.

I've heard that expression my whole life, we use it often, but.. what do it mean? What do we mean when we say we are at the end of our rope?

What does it mean to be at the end of my rope? Does it mean I've gone as far as I can go? Does it mean I have nothing left to give? Does it mean I can't do it any more?

I think so.

And I know, that tonight I'm making the decision:

I'm letting go of my rope completely.

Because I can't give anything more. I have nothing left to offer. Because I can't do it anymore... I'm letting go. Letting go of MY rope completely.

Here's to free-falling into the arms of GRACE!

Ya ready to jump with me???

~ To God Be the Glory!

Elizabeth Elliot wrote about Satan trying to cause us to doubt... "I know of no more steadying hope on which to focus my mind when circumstances tempt me to wonder why God doesn't 'do something.' He is always doing something-the vey best thing, the thing we ourselves would certainly choose if we knew the end from the beginning. He is at work to bring us to our full glory."

I had someone tell me recently after God spoke this word to them, 'God has a plan for your life and it is the best, the very best.' These words came not days but hours after a specific journal entry/prayer. God was so clear in sending this person to tell me in an audible voice what I was stubbornly not trusting myself enough to hear for myself.

Yet, Satan does not give up.

As Christians, we are not called once and once alone, done forever after that initial choice to follow Christ. That choice is only the beginning of a life full of fighting, a life full of battle, a life of being watched. Fighting the never ending temptations that try to knock us down and far from God. Battling against Satan and his demons that are oh so real and oh so powerful, but God (such sweet words) is bigger and we as His children are called as warriors against the enemy. All of this while constantly being watched by those around us, seeking to see the difference, if any, that Christ has made in our lives.

Even when things are upside down. Even when I don't have the slightest clue as to what God is doing. Even when I don't know what to say or do next. I have to trust him. In the midst of the dark, I must trust that He sees the way.

~ To God Be the Glory!