Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

So, to be honest, I've been dreading this day for a while now...Thanksgiving. This is not a normal thing, I'm not Thanksgiving-phobic or anything, but I knew this would be my first thanksgiving not in KY and my first Thanksgiving without my family. I assumed today would be a very long drawn-out and slightly depressing day with a little bit of homesickness on the silly.

So, last night, I was able to chat with my mom, so I'm updated in the loop about most of the things going on in KY. I've been emailing back and forth regularly with my brother and am continually growing closer to him, even with the world in between us. Then, this morning, amazing Ate C, sends Eddie out to get... a TURKEY!!!

That pretty much made my day. Then a couple minutes ago, there was a ring on the telephone... and NiNi (Ate C's mother) might be coming for dinner tonight!

It's looking more and more like Thanksgiving as the day goes on. I'm so thankful for my family that God has blessed me with and so thankful that I have another family here in the Philippines ready to welcome me so that I'm not alone on these new holidays away from home. I'm thankful that I get to go downstairs in a little while and I'll get a ton of hugs from the most precious hearts on the planet!
I'm so thankful today!

Thankful for Godly parents that have and are continually encouraging me in this journey.

Thankful for a wonderful big brother, one of my best friends, whom I'm coming to depend on so very much.

Thankful for the 2 best friends I girl could ask for. Always ready to listen, always with Godly advice.

Thankful for a warm and gracious extended family and church family! They have shown me more encouragement in my journey to follow God than I could have ever expected.

And above all..thankful for a God who loves me! A God who was not pleased to give me the life I would have had for myself, but pushed my plans aside for those of His own... plans much bigger and greater than I could have ever dreamed. I look around and am amazed that He cares that much for me to orchestrate this life for me. I'm so thankful for a Sovereign, Almighty, All-powerful, Healing, Compassionate, Caring, Generous, Creator, Saviour LORD!

~ To God Be the Glory!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


What I remember most about being 14...

I remember coming back from my second mission trip to Venezuela, on the longer plane ride and knowing that God was calling me to a life of full-time missions. I remember with tears in my eyes saying "Ok God... ok..if that's what You want.. ok." I remember telling my family and grandparents...

She might remember that odd white girl that put her arm around her when she heard the news...

I remember coming home from that trip to a new room,... with bright yellow walls, flowers everywhere, blue ceiling with clouds, new decorations, and bright colors everywhere.

She... she will remember nights sleeping on the street.

Me and her.. we had very different lives.. oh but the Lord is in charge of all. It was a calling I answered at the age of 14 that has brought me to cross the path of this 14 year old girl...

We have totally different lives, but now we have one thing in common... we've both said goodbye to our babies this year.

At the young age of 14, this girl became a mother. Living on the street, the family not knowing when she gave birth... she went through it all...alone. The child was left to sleep on the streets, not getting the proper care or nutrition...mostly because a simple lack of knowledge. A child taking care of a child, trying to make it living on the streets.

By the time 3 week old AJ was brought to GH, it was too late, he was too far gone, too dehydrated... he was already on his way to Jesus. He was brought to us around 7 pm ish.. and at 9:51, he went to Jesus.

Now all I can do is put my arm around her... I don't know her...but I feel for her. I feel slightly connected to her. I don't know the language enough to tell her that I'm sorry for the pain she is feeling, that I'm sorry she's having to travel this horrendous road through I just sat, with my arm around her back and listen to what I know is the message that her child has died.

She's 14...I can't imagine.

Oh, LORD, reach to her, comfort her in this dark time of her life. Reveal Yourself to her and draw her close to You, that she might know You as her LORD and Savior. Amen

~ To God Be the Glory!

Saturday, November 13, 2010


So, I'm starting this post, not knowing in what direction it will go. There have been so many things running around my head, that I don't know where to begin.

Friday night, I went to church and everyone could just tell that there was something off, and they asked if I was ok and all, and I replied, 'Yea, I'm fine, just a very emotional past few weeks.' And I started thinking about it and was like 'Oh wow God... you really are making sure I never forget that You and You alone are going to be the One who gets me through all of this' because without Him, I probably couldn't handle a single one of these things, much less, all together. In the past month I've

  • Said the official goodbye and moved away from home... to the other side of the world. Leaving family, friends, places, memories etc.

  • Said a very very hard goodbye to my parents. And for once, they were doing the leaving and I just stayed behind and they got on the plane.

  • Celebrated what would have been my daughter's 1st birthday.

  • Witnessed the bittersweet (for us) adoption of one of our little ones. K left with her Forever Family this past week. Rejoicing in God's work, but also stunned by our own loss.

  • Those are the main things, but there are a couple other more things that are also running around my head...

I think the word I used for bullet #4 is appropriate, I am stunned. Just stunned.

Stunned because the last weekend I woke up and was thinking about what I would do with Momma and Daddy today... forgetting that they left Friday night.

Stunned because there are always gonna be days when I just need to be held in big hug by my brother. His hugs make everything all right.. they are magic.. I'm certain of it.

Stunned because my 2 best friends back home are going through 2 different joys of life, things we all dreamed of... and I'm not there to witness the growth of new life within another ... and I'm not there to help plan the special days.

Stunned because, I can't even begin to describe how my arms ache to hold her again. How a month was just too short.

Stunned because in the midst of my pain and saddness, I'm surrounded by children who have never known the love of a mother and father, much less that of a Momma and Daddy. Kids who for their first years won't have the memories that are my nightly slide show in my mind. Memories of picnics in the yard w/ BBQ chips with Momma. Memories of when Daddy first taught you how to ride a 2-wheeler in the front yard on a girly pink and white bike. Memories of sneaking upstairs with Bub at 1 am to get a midnight snack or a movie, or playing hide n go seek in the dark outside on summer nights. That realization hits me like a ton of bricks, how dare I be sad for what I've lost, when these precious children have never had a taste of it to begin with.. instead, most of them have had much much worse to remember.

Stunned because today as we are leaving Malabon, Ate hands me a baby, I've seen her a couple times before, been to her house a couple times. I don't know much of her story, just that she has some obvious special needs, she is 9 years old (tho she looks 3 or 4) and from what I understand, her mother up and left. I can't imagine what this little girl has gone through. Her eyes are just haunted with pain. As one person said today 'Even her face is sad,... its just a sad face.' And its true, even when she gives you that tiny little smile.. her face is still sad.

Stunned at how much God loves me. Stunned at how He has planned this life specifically for me, that He cared enough to change the plans I had for myself, for something so much greater.. His plans for me.

I'll be honest, I don't understand it, not one bit of it. Most all of life makes no sense to me at all. But this I know... God is in control. He is sovereign. In Him I will trust and in Him will I find my comfort and my peace. When all else fails... ALL ELSE FAILS... He will not leave me. I will cling to Him.

~ To God Be the Glory!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Happy 1st Birthday My Dear Pamela...

One year ago today, the LORD gave the world a precious gift. Though the world surrounding this precious gift didn't want it... They didn't want her...

Such a heartbreaking start...its undescibable knowing her short little life started out that way. Makes you want to question the ways of God. Makes you want to question all of mankind.

But I can't bring myself to question the LORD... because it was when that world didn't want her... it was then that the LORD gave me the biggest blessing of my life asides from Him adopting me, He allowed me to adopt her.

In the weeks following my dear Pamela's journey to Jesus' arms, I was so scared that I would eventually forget. That she would start to fade.

Now, the LORD has confirmed that my fears were and still are all in vain. I will still have those fears. But Pamela is more a part of me now than ever. My love for her continues to grow. Her memory there in my heart for good. I look at her pictures and I remember the feel of her little hand around my pinky, I remember when we first got her, walking around the first floor with her, telling her what all the pictures were. My body shudders at the memory of those long nights, watching each hour come and go. But my heart has the strongest memory of all. My heart is forever changed.

The LORD blessed me with a dream the other night, which I'm not going to share here, but I will share about the message of it. I will see her again, He will one day place her back in my arms as we both are in His arms.

Today as I celebrate her birthday without her, I can't imagine but think... Heaven is the best place she could be.

So my Princess, my dear Pamela, Happy 1st Birthday sweetheart! Today it will be hard to be here apart from you. Mommy misses you with all my heart, but I would not wish you for a second back on this earth. You are in the arms of Jesus, and there is no where better or greater than that. I know you are happy, full of joy worshipping our LORD and Savior. Looking forward to the day when you'll be in my arms again.

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
Just another moment in your eyes
I'll see you in another life in Heaven
Where we never say goodbye

(excerpt of lyrics from the song, linked above, Lucy by Skillet)

I heard this song first this past summer, as my dear friend Jordan was going through similar cicumstance, watching her child, Lucy's time on this earth come to an end.

~ To God Be the Glory!

( To see more of Pamela's story, start reading my posts from January 2010.)

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Here's My Life by Barlow Girl

Once again I said my goodbyes
To those who I love most
My heart feels that familiar pain
As I long for home'
Cause this road is hard
When I feel so far
God I'm crying out tonight
'Cause I've given You my life
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind
So once more here's my life
On the day that You called my name
All that I knew changed
I found when I said yes that I'd never be the same
Though the call is hard
You are worth it all
God I'm crying out tonight
'Cause I've given You my life
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind
So once more
Even when the tears are falling
When I find I fear the calling
You remind me
Words You've spoken over my life
Promises I've yet to see
You comfort me
God I'm crying out tonight
'Cause I've given You my life
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind
So once more, here's my life