One year ago today, the LORD gave the world a precious gift. Though the world surrounding this precious gift didn't want it... They didn't want her...
Such a heartbreaking start...its undescibable knowing her short little life started out that way. Makes you want to question the ways of God. Makes you want to question all of mankind.
But I can't bring myself to question the LORD... because it was when that world didn't want her... it was then that the LORD gave me the biggest blessing of my life asides from Him adopting me, He allowed me to adopt her.
In the weeks following my dear Pamela's journey to Jesus' arms, I was so scared that I would eventually forget. That she would start to fade.
Now, the LORD has confirmed that my fears were and still are all in vain. I will still have those fears. But Pamela is more a part of me now than ever. My love for her continues to grow. Her memory there in my heart for good. I look at her pictures and I remember the feel of her little hand around my pinky, I remember when we first got her, walking around the first floor with her, telling her what all the pictures were. My body shudders at the memory of those long nights, watching each hour come and go. But my heart has the strongest memory of all. My heart is forever changed.
The LORD blessed me with a dream the other night, which I'm not going to share here, but I will share about the message of it. I will see her again, He will one day place her back in my arms as we both are in His arms.
Today as I celebrate her birthday without her, I can't imagine but think... Heaven is the best place she could be.
So my Princess, my dear Pamela, Happy 1st Birthday sweetheart! Today it will be hard to be here apart from you. Mommy misses you with all my heart, but I would not wish you for a second back on this earth. You are in the arms of Jesus, and there is no where better or greater than that. I know you are happy, full of joy worshipping our LORD and Savior. Looking forward to the day when you'll be in my arms again.
Me and Lucy walking hand in hand
Me and Lucy never wanna end
Just another moment in your eyes
I'll see you in another life in Heaven
Where we never say goodbye
(excerpt of lyrics from the song, linked above, Lucy by Skillet)
I heard this song first this past summer, as my dear friend Jordan was going through similar cicumstance, watching her child, Lucy's time on this earth come to an end.
~ To God Be the Glory!
( To see more of Pamela's story, start reading my posts from January 2010.)
1 comment:
My sweet girl,
You are an amazing young lady. You are so wise and mature--beyond your years. I know you were blessed by your short time with Pamela and I regret that we never got to meet her. I also know that your life has been forever changed and I know without a doubt that you will never forget her, the feel of her in your arms or those little fingers wrapped not only around your pinky, but also around your heart! God not only blessed you with her, but He richly blessed her little life by putting you in it...someone to love her, talk to her, sing to her and to tell her about the love of Jesus for her. Yes, you were both blessed by being in each others lives...as I am so richly blessed to be your mommma and to have you in my life! You are like a ray of sunshine and a breath of fresh air!
I love you so much. I'm praying for you and wish I could be there to hug you today; to help bear your burden and heavy heart; and to wipe away that tear!
Love you lots!!!
Momma
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