Friday, April 19, 2013

For the first time...there are words.

So... maybe it's time I break this blog silence.

It's been a hard season.

I haven't blogged in a bit, because honestly, I haven't been able to do so.  I have not the strength to do so, not the words, not the energy or emotion.

I remember when I was younger, my family went to Holiday World and I went on a ride, a fast feel-like-you're-in-a-slingshot type ride; and I remember I wasn't exactly scared when I was on this ride.  It was fast, real fast, but on this particular ride, I wasn't scared.  I just held on.  Then, the ride ended...and I got up to get off...and that's when it set in, not fear...confusion.

I feel like I'm a child again.  I feel like the roller coaster has halted, and the lock has released and I'm just left with this unreal confusion.

But this time, the confusion is not easily remedied by a parent or aunt or older cousin to lead the way.  This confusion is like the ride, it's fierce.  It comes with a vengeance; it sweeps in stealing energy, meaning, comfort, direction.

It leaves me utterly exhausted.

And as I struggle to begin to get my bearings again, I struggle and falter, and there seems to be no words for my disoriented breathless gasps that I'm left with... and in the midst of this I KNOW that I'm not alone.  I KNOW that HE and ONLY HE is faithful.  When I have no breath to utter His promises, I  hear them in my mind.  In the times when I have no energy to shout the praises, my heart cries out with them within me.

And He is faithful to provide and to help.

And part of that help comes in HE putting the perfect song to play while I'm alone. . . and there is a bit of relief to know that even though I am unable to find words, someone was able.  That someone in this case was Tenth Avenue North.

And what I've KNOWN all along now fills my room . . . and for the first time . . . there are words.

Lord... Be Glorified in ALL that YOU take me through.  May my life ALWAYS glorify You, that is my life's purpose.  

~ To God Be the Glory!

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