What do I tell you?

I know it.  I know its there.  It needs attention.  It serves a purpose, but I must actually do something to allow that purpose to be carried out.  I know I need to post a new blog, but...the words are just not there.

I wonder what I should tell you bloggy world.

Do I tell you silly stories of having issues with coping with other people?  Silly, because really, they are just visitors and classmates and people, just people.  But there are some days when it feels like its too much.

Do I tell you about feeling first-hand something I've heard about before but never experience, about knowing delayed grief?

Do I tell you about the callings and tuggings on my heart by my Creator?  What He whispers to me?

Do I tell you about the jokes between me and my roommates?  The things we find hilarious, but we realize, these things are only funny because we've lived here for so long, we see things differently than the rest of the world.

Do I tell you about going through university as the only white girl on campus?  About having classmates that refuse to talk to or look at you, other than to stare when you're not looking?

Do I tell you again and again how in love I am with these beautiful kids?

Do I share with you how overwhelmed I am in the last two weeks as a new level of the reality has hit me?

I have so many things running around in my heart and head, but when it comes to share them with the world.. I. Just. Can't.  I have forgotten my filter.  I've forgotten what is 'appropriate' and what is not.  So.. I spend many various moments looking at a blank 'new post' screen.. starting.. then deleting.. then starting again.. then deleting again.  Because everything seems a little too much.. too graphic.. too raw... too personal... too depressing... too repetitive... too light... too heavy... too close to be read so far away.

So... I leave you with this small rambling post instead.  Knowing something needs to come, promising to work, to try, but not promising anything will come of it.

God show me what to say.  Show me what to type.  Change the words and make them Yours.

~ To God Be the Glory!